I got a black hoodie, is this weird? I've never gotten two hoodies in a row before. Am I happy? Yes, am I dripping with guilt? Big yes. But I am satisfied with my hoodie collection slowly growing, it's like how I used to collect phone cards, just this is much more expensive. I keep falling in love with Fall Out Boy, Thanks for the memories was hilarious and brilliant.
Anyway, I'm feeling annoyed, again, yeah, big shock. I finished all my books, all. 6 books in a week, and now, I have nothing left to read. It's like a disease, I need good literature to breathe, and function. I am hardly normal, and apparently not very imaginative when it comes to occupying time. I feel like I've wasted another day, what a let down. Well, you take the good with the bad I suppose.
I feel like everything as an atomic bomb, and they're all going to explode right in my face. I guess we all have a breaking point, but we're always breaking. Unravelling isn't healthy for anyone, we're all coming apart. I want so badly to stick everything back together, I want to fix things. I want to change? I'm not sure, it doesn't feel right that I can't talk to people, it's not any one's fault but mine, you take the good with the bad. But it's driving me insane, I have to think so hard, and pick my words till what I'm trying to say isn't what I'm saying at all. I've resolved to "haha yeah" and "okay" cause I feel as if I've fried my brain to an extent where I couldn't care less about you or what you think. I can barely keep my head on my shoulders without ripping out my hair. So I just take the good with the bad, I don't argue, I smile and I nod and I give in to you and whatever you want, cause I'm a gun that's run out of ammo. I haven't realised till now how much I've been so patient and so weak. I don't find it necessary to put up a fight with you, or anyone anymore. Because I'll lose, or maybe I'll just give up. And yes, that is all I can say, that is all I can do, this is all I have done. I am not here to please you, I am not a machine thought I wish I could be. I'd pay you to leave me alone if you think I'm such a loser, or a sucker, or an emo goth punk ass kid. Cause it's getting so old to listen to you guys prattle on about how I'm such a big act, how I'm just not real. I am whatever you want to see, it's all up to you. I am now at your mercy, cause this atomic bomb is done. I'm not going to explode cause it's not going to make anything better. So I'll blow up a little on the inside and I'll get out of your hair. And maybe one day I'll go insane and break a window or an arm, or your face. But then I'll get out of your hair, I promise I won't bother any of you anymore. And maybe I'm acting right now at this very moment, maybe I'll stay as in your face as I was before. Maybe I'm just a stupid little kid on the inside, and I'm just trying to act mature because I don't understand your big grown up talk. But just know that I'm trying not to be an atomic bomb, I'm not asking for sympathy, I'm asking for you to understand.
You just have to take the good with the bad.