It's saturday and I have 4 days left to decide my fate. Express? or Normal? I thought I needed help, I guess I still do. I asked my mum what she thought and of course she told me to challenge myself. That's help right? But I guess I was searching for someone to tell me what I wanted to hear. To tell me it's going to be okay no matter what I do. Cause I guess it matters, I guess that this could equate to a whole lot more than just changing my stream. I guess I'm not good with change, I'm not good at being bad at things, I'm not good at hanging on for my life. I just want to KNOW that I can do this. Not THINK. Cause I need this, I need this to work so much. I want to know that I won't become my old self again and screw everything up. What if I don't make it, what if I'm screwing everything up? And I guess I'm scared of losing my friends. I just can't lose my friends. I know it seems stupid but it's not stupid to me. I'll just feel empty I guess with no friends. No one to trust. No one to talk to. And I guess that's how I feel now, cause when I ruin this, there's no one I can blame but myself. I'm empty, and I want to be filled with something other then fear right now. I want to know that it's okay no matter what I do. Cause that means so much to me right now.