okay, before i start this post, i would like people to be understanding please and do not judge or bring up anything that you're about to read. anyway, i'm really depressed. i feel like crying. but i won't. i don't cry right? i mean, i just don't and i won't. i'm just so tired of everything. today, i woke up and it was raining. i'm not saying i feel like this every rainy day but, i don't know. something about this morning just felt so depressing and horrible. anyway, i know i'm not the only person with depression currently but i know, you can talk to me about whatever whenever but sometimes, i just don't have enough of it in me to keep someone happy while i'm struggling to smile with meaning. i know it's not anyone's fault but mine. i mean, i'm not the type to say i'm not okay when i need help. but i don't know. i mean, i just can't take it. i guess i don't want to ask for help. i just want everything to fall into my bloody lap. and it's not gonna happen that way. i know. i just want so hard for people to think that i'm on my own, and i don't need anyone and i can do whatever without having to ask for help. and i want people to depend on me and want me to be there but i can't give till i have nothing left. i'm not saying i'm being the kind one and that people are coming along and screwing me over, no. i'm not saying that. i just want so bad for people to think so highly of me. but nothing works i'm just sucking myself dry of emotion. i don't want to ask for help. and when people ask i say i'm fine. i don't know what is wrong with me. and no i won't cry. i don't cry. i never. cry.